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My Girlfriend Won’t Cum. What’s Wrong With Her?

When I first started out as a sex therapist thirty years ago, I was taught that difficulty ejaculating was rare, that it was very hard to treat, and that it usually suggested deep-rooted psychological problems. The reality is that difficulty ejaculating is rather common. Feel free to skip ahead if you like. Biologically speaking, an orgasm is simply a reflex. Sensory inputs get processed by the central nervous system. Your orgasm reflex is a bit different, since psychological stimulation figures into it too. But the principle is the same.

It means you know how to cultivate your own arousal.

Big mistake. Hardness in a man, like wetness in a woman, can occur even at fairly low levels of psychological arousal.

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Most young men only need about a 20 to get hard. That level of arousal is not always easy to achieve. Reading an article like this is no substitute for an office consultation.

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But here are the basics - what I typically recommend for men whom I see in the office:. Remember, genuine arousal is a state of mind.

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Sure, if your orgasm threshold is a 30, you could probably still ejaculate under those circumstances. But your orgasm threshold is up around an 80 i.

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Most straight couples put a lot of emphasis on penetrative sex. There are of course lots of other ways to make love besides penis-in-vagina intercourse.

Remember, it only takes an arousal level of 20 or so for most young, healthy men to get hard.

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Sure, intercourse can be exciting. Instead, see if you can get to a 60 or more of arousal before penetration.

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Having a high orgasm threshold has certain advantages. You can be a perfect gentleman, and make sure your partner lots of orgasms.

But after being a perfect gentlemen, most men with this condition have difficulty ejaculating. To reach orgasm yourself with a partner, you need a different approach - one that maximizes your own arousal. Now is the time to be a bit of a beast. A modern man with a high orgasm threshold should expect the same consideration most modern women get under the same circumstances.

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